Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
