I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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