If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
