She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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