I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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