Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
