I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
