woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
