i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
