i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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