and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
