She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
