hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
