She said her name was "party"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
