I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
