If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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