Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
