I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Holy shit dude........stairs
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
His nipple licking is glorious
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