So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
it's great music for shaving your balls
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Come on in and take your pants off
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