This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
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