my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
