just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
