i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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