I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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