I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
