Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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