Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
