so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
