Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
