I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
