I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
