can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
