just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
