My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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