I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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