Need sex. Gaining weight.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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