Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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