You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
