Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
