i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
