Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
