My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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