I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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