piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
