My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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