This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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