Umm I'm too high to move.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
