I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
