Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Dick very happy bro
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
