Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
