haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
