So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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